I Can't Forget Her - Drama Monologue

I   C A N ' T   F O R G E T   H E R

BY: Paul William Fassett

That's the problem! You never get over something like this. It sticks with you forever and the harder I fight to push the memory out, the more vivid the pictures become. It's like a scab that keeps peeling off. You don't just forget people. They hang around in your head like ghosts, appearing out of nowhere. They don't care what you are doing, or how inconvenient it might be to cry at that moment. They want attention.

How do you forget a child? No matter the age. It came from me! It came from you! How do you expect me to forget that and how the fuck can you!

This isn't a matter of: “She's gone, we have to move on.” I can't get her face out of my head! She's... She's in here... Smiling at me one day. Showing the gaps where her baby teeth hadn't grown in, and the next she's in a coffin with her eyes closed. Looking so peaceful but so fucking dead!

How am I supposed to forget that? How am I supposed to move on when the only purpose I had for living the last five years is gone? What? Do I take up a hobby? Take my mind off her the way you'd take your mind off a dead pet? How do you do it? Pour alcohol on the problem? Maybe I'll take up needle point? Yeah. That will keep me from waking up in the middle of the night to an imaginary crying in my head.

You know what the worst part is? I still get panic attacks. I wake up in the middle of the night and on instinct I walk in to her room to find her crib empty and for a split second my breath gets caught in my chest. My heart starts beating out of control. I think: “Where is she?” And when I look around and see the emptiness of the room, how you gutted it. I remember, she's gone.

She's gone and I can't let go....