C H E C K M A T E
A series of short stories
By: Paul William Fassett
“I’m in pain,” I said.
“I imagine you are. A broken bone can be painful.” The shrink replied, with his massive forearms crossed under his chest.
“Well, do you think we could do something about it?”
“I can give you some Tylenol.”
“I was thinking something that might actually help with the pain.”
“It’s prescription strength.” He shrugged.
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open wide enough to catch flies. “You know, you could at least act like you care.”
“Do I care that you’re in pain? Yeah and I wish I could do something about it.”
“You could give me some pain medicine.”
“You’re an addict, Sam.”
“Oh, fucking whatever. I’m not an addict. I just don’t want to be in pain!”
“That’s what every addict says.”
“I’m not an addict!” I threw my pillow at the wall and pushed myself up on my bed so I could sit up.
“Then you’re suicidal.”
“I’m not suicidal, you fucking goon.”
“You don’t take that many pills unless you’ve built up a tolerance, or you’re tired of living. Which is it?”
He had me in a check. I sat there thinking about my next move, but before I could come up with a response he was ready with another question.
“Are you ready to join the world of the living?”
“Yes.” I responded without even having to think about it, really. I was looking forward to seeing people again, even if it was these people. He brought me my chair and tried to help me into it, so I swatted his hand out of the way.
“I’ve got it.” I kicked the chair, and it rolled away from the bed. “Can you at least lock the wheels?”
“Nah.” The shrink turned away and walked out of the room. “You’ve got it.”
It took about fifteen minutes to get my chair back to a place where I could slide into it. I wasn’t quite used to getting in and out of it yet. The group was in session when I finally got back in my chair. The first face I saw was her’s. The tall girl with the eye brow. We locked eyes for a moment, and I was the first to break the stare. Couldn’t wait to stop looking, to be honest, because… Well, listen. Boredom is the worst kind of torture.
I know that water boarding is probably way worse, but when you’ve got one of my brains, the worst thing you can be is bored because my brain won’t let me sit in silence. It’s gotta talk and talk and talk, and hum a song on repeat for hours, or wonder what my ex is doing right now, who she’s fucking? Is he better than I was? If my dick still worked, would she’d still love me? Then I saw her face. That off putting face frowning was haunting me all night and all day today, and when I saw her sitting in group it was like deja vu. Where once was a smile, now all that was left was a frown.
I pulled in next to a guy that… I can only describe as comatose. He just stared at people. Never said a word, barely blinks, just stares. He’s wasn’t a drooler or anything. I mean, I could swear the lights were on in there, but it was like he’d found the perfect grift. He got to watch the drama but didn’t have to participate. Sometimes I wish I was comatose. People come in to talk to him, from time to time. Probably family. A young girl, mostly. It’d be nice to just sit and listen to someone without the inevitable argument.
A skinny guy in a long sleeve turtleneck was talking as the shrink was sitting down. Everyone stopped their individual conversations like mom just walked in the room and caught us doing something naughty.
“Hello everyone.” The shrink pulled out his clipboard. “Ben, why don’t you start us off?”
The guy in the turtleneck shook his head. “I’d rather not.”
“Just start with how you’re feeling.”
He leaned in closer to the shrink and whispered something.
“Ben, it’s okay. Everyone is here for, more or less, the same reason. No one is judging you.”
Speak for yourself, I thought.
The guy just sat there looking down at his fingers which were worn down to scabbed up nubs. “Everyone is looking at me.” He whispered.
“Okay, Ben. How about you, Sam?”
I shook my head as well. “No thanks.”
“Why not?”
“I already said everything I needed to say.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“You know what?” I sat there thinking and there was a thought rising up. A thought that a part of me wanted to push back down, but I was never very good at that. “What kind of doctor are you?”
“I’m not a doctor. I’m a therapist.”
“So, that’s why you couldn’t give me medicine. You’re not a real doctor.”
He smiled. “That’s right, Sam.”
“So, what was it? Got to med school and just couldn’t hack it?”
“Actually, it’s a funny story,” He said, still smiling. “Want to hear it?”
“Not really,” I said.
He didn’t seem to hear me or didn’t care. “I was supposed to drain an infection out of someone’s genitals.”
The group elicited a simultaneous groan.
“That’s fuckin’ gross, doc.” Ernie said.
“Not a doctor, remember?” I said.
The shrink smiled again. “Anyway, when I smelled it, and saw that guys balls oozing puss, that was it. I decided right then and there that I wasn’t cut out to be a doctor.”
“Fascinating.” I said, turning away from the group.
“Okay, so now that I’ve broken the ice with something embarrassing, how about you tell us something embarrassing, Sam?”
Ernie raised his hand, and the shrink pretended to not see him.
“I think Ernie has something he wants to say,” I said, pointing to Ernie.
“I got one hell of a story,” Ernie said.
The shrink sighed. “Fine, go ahead.”
“Okay. So we’re sitting in my friends basement, and we’re probably ten years old right, and there’s this kid who lives down the road. Weird kid. Never said anything. He’d just stand at the bus stop and laugh at nothing. No idea who the hell invited him. We’re playing board games and this guy starts petting my friend’s dog. Then he says, hey everyone! Watch this! He turns the dog over on his belly, and hand to god,” Enrie put one hand on his chest and put his other hand, palm out to the group. “he starts jerking off the dog.”
I wasn’t paying much attention up until that point. No matter how boring the story is, when you hear the words: “Jerking off the dog.” You straighten up and pay heed.
“Okay, I’m gonna to stop you there.” The shrink said, but I leaned over and waved him away.
“Shut up, man. You can talk about balls oozing puss, but he can’t talk about a guy jerking off a dog?” I leaned my chin on my hands and waited.
The shrink looked around and saw that I was not the only one with an eager expression, waiting for the story to continue. Ernie’s eye brows raised, the unibrow did the same, even turtleneck guy stopped fiddling with his fingernails.
“Okay, fine. Continue.”
“Right, so the kid starts jerking off the dog, and I’m watching with amazement as this little red lipstick like thing emerges from a hole in front of the dogs dick, and it’s seriously like something out of a horror movie. Like a tentacle that sucks the dmt out of your pineal gland or some shit. Kid looks at us and says: ‘Watch this.’ And we’re waiting as if we’re about to see the most magical fuckin’ thing we’ve seen in our entire life. Then it happens. The dog cums.”
He’s laughing, the group is laughing, and I want to laugh but I don’t let myself. I just shake my head. “How’s that embarrassing? Sounds like the other kid is the one who should be embarrassed.”
“We all took turns.” The group was mortified. You could even hear gasps. “What, I was like ten. How old did I say I was? Anyway, I was young enough to not know what we we’re doing to the dog, but I’ll tell you this. That was a happy fuckin’ dog, right there.”
“Okay, now it’s your turn.” Ernie said, looking straight at me.
There was something I wanted to say, but it didn’t feel right. What if I said it, and it didn’t make anything better? What if it just made shit worse? Admitting you’ve done wrong is like giving someone a chance to hate you for it. Build resentment and throw shit in your face. “No thanks.”
“Hey,” Ernie pointed a meaty finger at me. “That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair,” I said.
“I’m sorry, but I have to agree with Ernie.” The shrink leaned on his clipboard. “You made him show you his, now you gotta show him yours.”
I leaned back in my chair and looked around the group. When I got to the unibrow, she looked away. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I knew I wasn’t going to say it.
“He’s not gonna do it.” Ernie crossed his arms. “I knew it. No balls. They cut your dick off in the hospital or something?”
“Give me a minute, you fucking neanderthal. Maybe I’m not as gifted at embarrassing myself as you are.”
Ernie rolled his eyes. I could feel everyone looking at me, and I felt something. A feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time since every day became roughly the same as the last day. I felt adrenaline. My hands shook and my body became warm. I cleared my throat and took one last look around the room and closed my eyes. “It was after the accident.” My voice was breaking, so I took a moment to swallow down the saliva growing in my throat. “I was supposed to be going to physical therapy, but I figured, what’s the use? You know? I’m trapped in this fucking chair no matter how many push ups I do, so I would take a bus downtown and sit at a coffee shop. I did this for weeks. One day I decide, enough is enough. I’m just going to go home and tell my girlfriend that I’m done with therapy and come clean. So I go home early, and as I open the door, I can hear a sound that every man knows. I shut the door slowly so as to not interrupt, and I come around the corner to the bedroom door, and there’s a big pair of balls, slapping against my girlfriends ass. My best friend is fucking my girlfriend doggy style in my bed.”
My eyes are still closed and I’m seeing the image in my head as if I was there again. Normally, at times like this, I’ll shout the image out of my head, but you can only shout: “Fuck off!” at the top of your lungs when you’re alone in your apartment. “I remember feeling helpless. I always imagined this scenario, I think we all do. Like, what would I do if I came home and found my girlfriend fucking another guy. I’d pull that guy off her and start beating the hell out of him. Maybe shoot him and her. I didn’t think about that. I just watched and thought to myself, what if she leaves me? I sat there watching until my friend came, and when they rolled onto their backs to catch their breath. That’s when they saw me sitting there. They didn’t say a word. I just wheeled away into the living room and waited. He left in a hurry. Not a word spoken. And when she came out of the room, she was furious. Yelling at me, telling me this was my fault. And you know what I did? I apologized.”
The room sat in silence, and the shrink just kept writing.
“How’s that? Good?”
“Yeah,” The shrink said. “I think we’re done for today. Sam and Ernie, can you stick around?”
“What’s up, Doc?” Ernie said, like some cartoon bunny.
“I have an idea. Ernie, your room mate just got released, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you do me a favor and bunk with Sam for a little while.”
“Whoa,” I said. “What? I don’t think--”
“It’ll be good for you. Trust me.”
“I’m not staying with him.”
“I don’t think you have much of a choice.” The shrink said, standing up.
I yanked on his pant leg. “You can’t make me room with him. He’s a maniac. He already broke my finger.”
The shrink got down on one knee and placed my hands in my lap. He leaned in and whispered in my ear.
“Then you better watch your fucking mouth, or he might break something else.” He smiled and walked away.
Check mate.
